Ash Shikigami Versus the Universe
by h3AdS1aMM3r
Summary: Once more, the tale is told. Once more, shenanigans will ensue. Once upon a time, there was a new type... Follow Ash Shikigami as he adapts to the new world of the god eaters, battle vicious Aragami and cause mayhem for almost everyone in the Far East Branch. (A reboot of my previous fic Gods Eater Burst: Ash's Tale.) May contain elements from God Eater: Resurrection.
1. Prologue: Who am I?

Remember me, fellow GE's?

* * *

Prologue: Who Am I? Well...

 _Once upon a time, mankind lived in peace and harmony. Life was great for all humans on mother earth (well, you know, except for those few wars every time). Creatures of the air flitted happily, the beings of the sea swam gracefully, and the land walkers…walked._

 _The future seemed promising for mankind. Technology was fast reaching a new level of innovation, global warming was going to get it's ass kicked and more importantly: people started to realise that trying to shift everyone to mars in case the earth died was kind of a bad idea._

 _Of course, the awesomeness that is me, also…_

"Dude get on with it! Soma's falling asleep fast!"

"Don't rush me damn it! It's building up!"

 _All was good in the world, and it was at peace. It seemed that if it carried on, we could probably last another few thousand years or so._

 _But…_

 _Everything changed…when the aragami attacked._

"Wait a second Kota…if I'm not mistaken, did he just rip off an extremely old and popular cartoon title's opening sequence?"

"Whoa, now that you mention it, you're right! Weren't the lines the same as avata-"

"WOULD THE REVEALING RUSSIAN AND GUY IN A BEANIE OVER THERE PLEASE STOP TALKING!? I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF TALK!"

"I think he needs to stop talking…"

 _The once peaceful world that man knew started to crumble. The aragami, beasts of unknown origin started appearing around the planet and devoured everything in sight. Soon, the once bright future of mankind started to rapidly vanish. The lands, seas and skies only filled with terrible beasts._

 _However!_

 _When mankind discovered the god arcs, weapons made to fight off these terrible creatures, we started a counterattack. With the new found power we had, two great powers of man and aragami struggled for years._

 _And what the aragami had in massive numbers, the humans had a secret weapon…a new type god eater they had kept hidden only in times of desperate need. The new type was strong, he was courageous, he was skilled and powerful. Most of all, he was handsome. With a swing of his god arc the aragami slowly fell to the ground._

 _With the hero finally stepping into the world, it was time to finally show the world who he was._

 _Yes, the great, powerful and not to mention (once more) EXTREMELY GOOD LOOKING hero. And his name is…_

* * *

 **(Fenrir Far East Branch: Lobby)**

"Oh hey, break's almost over."

"DAMN KOTA DON'T CUT ME OFF, IT WAS GETTING GOOD!"

Before I could continue the epic tale, the voice of someone not paying attention cut me off at another important plot point.

I really didn't understand why no one was interested in such a great story! Why was no one paying attention?! They were bored during our lunch break, so I decided to entertain them, and there they were not giving a hoot about anything I was saying.

JERKS!

But a little part of me couldn't blame them. I mean, as good a fighting team we were (or maybe its just me), dealing with tens of aragami every morning as morning duty really bites. Sometimes awesomeness gets bummed out too, but hey, at least I actually tried to cheer them up. When I asked everyone to do something they were all:

 _Soma: (jerk didn't even say anything and looked away)_

 _Alisa: Stop whining in our faces, we had to wake up at 5am! I had to rush out almost immediately on waking up!_

 _Kota: guuuuhhhh._

 _Sakuya: Yeah…I'm too tired to do too much. Sorry, but I really need my rest._

 _Lindow: I got other duties to attend to. Superiors always get the 'fun' stuff._

So I thought I'd be a nice ol' leader and wake them all up with a nice story. Of course, no one appreciates it…the things I do to be a good leader.

"Well, at least that managed to kill some time right? We were all too tired to do anything from morning missions anyway."

"See guys, Sakuya likes it. Now let me finish."

The large chested-beautiful sub leader of our unit shot me a small giggle and bopped my head lightly. Ah Sakuya, if only you weren't so hooked onto Lindow, maybe I'd actually try having a shot. But of course, a true man's rule was that you never go messing into someone's potential relationships.

"Where's Lindow…" the Russian girl, "I want to get started on the mission as soon as I can."

"NO INTERRUPTING!"

You know, all of you out there might be wondering. How is this guy talking so much and telling these wondrous legends? In fact, who was this person that his legends were referring too?

Was simply a man? How did he look like? What mysteries shrouded this figure? These are questions that by now, surely would have crossed your mind. These were the questions that everyone wanted to know. How often was it that someone, in the decades of despair that they lived in, met someone as overpowered with a completely unfair advantage over the old type god eaters?

Yes, his name was…

"Um…leader, in case you're forgetting, there are now TWO new types on this team."

From the far left, a deep sigh came from the emo-buster sword user, "Let the kid talk. The less we interrupt him the sooner he shuts up."

I HEARD THAT!

Before I could continue, the boss of us, or better known as Lindow Amamiya, stepped through the elevator doors and headed straight for our group.

"Sounds like you guys are having a blast," he grinned and stretched his shoulders, "what's the kid up to now?"

"Story time, it seems," Kota popped a piece of gum in his mouth, "he's almost done though."

Nodding as boss man took his seat, I walked into the middle of the lounge, "As I was saying, once more, who was the mighty hero that only the legends spoke off?"

I took a large breath.

"AND HIS NAME WAS-"

"Would the first unit leader, Ash Shikigami, quickly head to the third level to meet Commander Amamiya for corporal punishment of "causing a public nuisance within Fenrir," thank you very much."

OH CRAP, NOT CORPORAL PUNISHMENT!

It seemed that all of my teammates were relieved that my story session was over, much to my chagrin. Unable to hide his laugh at my misfortune, Kota came up and placed his shoulder over mine, "Well, if we go off on our mission now, Tsubaki can't possibly whip your butt right?"

"I agree, besides," Alisa stood up and dusted herself, "we've dallied far too long already."

The three seniors of the first merely exchanged glances, before silently agreeing and heading into the god arc storage area. As soon as everyone entered, I quickly sealed the gates before Tsubaki could try and run in and do any damage to me.

"Alright guys," Lindow started as he stuck a cigarette between his lips, "simple mission for a full squad. Just a couple of ogretail's and two Vajra's. Same rules: don't die and watch everyone's back, clear?"

WAIT WAIT WAIT! HOW COME HE CAN GIVE ORDERS?!

"Aren't I the official leader of this team, boss man?"

"Ah, but that's on paper," Lindow shot me a cheeky grin, "I'm still your superior, but you aren't wrong about me appointing you as leader…"

"So why don't you do the honours?"

Dang right about the last part.

I looked around at the five of my team members, and couldn't help but conjure the remaining part of my tale.

 _But of course, every hero needs a got, solid party as well. And his, were the best yet._

Turning to the gates as they begin to open, I raised my god arc towards the distant horizon, not knowing what would await us this day (aside from the mission briefing).

"Now say it with me," I commanded as I looked beyond.

"FIRST UNIT, ROLL OUT!"

"…who made you Optimus Prime?"

"Shut up, Bumblebee."

Ladies and gents, as you may already have read a few paragraphs back, my name is Ash Shikigami, and this is…is my story.

* * *

ASH IS BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK

So someone requested that I do this story again after letting it rot for years. I don't know how much of you will appreciate the crack, but once the train leaves the station, it don't simply come back.

Now, hop in and let's ride this out!


	2. Chapter 1: Far East New Type

ROLL CHAPTER!

 **Chapter 1: Far East New Type**

My eyebrow twitched at the paper I was filling up in the holding room. It was apparently a –profile sheet- for my physical appearance.

Hot damn man, I know everyone's sensitive about identification but this is freaking ridiculous. Eye colour, hair colour, the colour of my hair dye, what is this even, a profile to be put up on a stalking website?

Whatever, if they want to make character description in your face, I'll give them "in your face".

 **RECRUITS PROFILE SHEET**

Name: (looks like someone didn't read the fiction title eh?)

Face Type: (What even? Not as if I get to select from prototype faces.)

Gender: (Stop, stop! This isn't Ranma!)

Hair Colour: (White with a dark bandana around it…can't you already see that?)

Skin Colour: (If you want a proper answer, fine, yellow.)

I could then only hope that I didn't just give my info to someone who could erase any trace of life force I had with a simple swish of his pen on a notebook. If that was the case, I'm hopping fandoms just to be safe…

After finishing up the obviously horrible excuse for a character creation sheet in a role playing game, I leaned back and sighed. If they were going to keep me in this waiting room , why couldn't they at least have the decency to place a game console inside here.

I've been waiting for three hours, THREE FREAKING HOURS with a piece of pen, paper and the utter lack of a washroom for me to do my…boy things. One of the first thing's I really got to do once I'm finally out of here is to pee, for sure.

…

SO WHY WON'T YOU GUYS LET ME OUT!?

"Alright, number 2, its your turn next."

Prayers answered.

Hopping off my seat, I destroy (see: open) the large iron doors that barred my way to freedom…only making me enter a second room where they did a full body scan. Seriously, why was the place so paranoid about some rookie wanting to join their cause?

"…IDENTITY CONFIRMED: ASH SHIKIGAMI"

Now that's more like it.

As the machines slowly back away from me, a third door opened up, causing me to shield my eyes as light poured into my line of vision. As I walked in, I noticed a bunch of guys in lab coats looking at me from a glass window up above.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting for so long," a voice spoke, "Welcome to mankind's last fortress, Fenrir."

You know, I think it's basic manners to actually greet the new person you're welcoming into your little 'fortress', sir. Besides, ain't it basic manners to introduce yourself first too?

"I will now test your compatibility as part of the anti-aragami punitive force," scientist-voice continued, "otherwise known as: God Eaters."

"Do stay as calm as possible, we can collect the best results from you that way."

Stay calm? Good results from me? So you know who I am already, and it STILL didn't strike you as basic respect to introduce yourself.

I'm starting to not like scientist-voice already, whoever he thinks he is. But of course, I must play the part of the nice new recruit boy, so as my role would dictate, I'm going to introduce myself to him like a normal person.

Heh, normal.

Sides, I was born ready for this day.

"Uh…my name is…"

"Whenever you think you're ready, go place your hand in the middle of that machine over there. And please relax, rookie, it helps lessen-"

Excuse me sir, did you just cut me off.

"Listen up, vader-voice."

The scientist paused at my own sudden cut, "I have a name, and I know you know who I am."

I pointed to the glass window and shot him my signature, shit-eating grin, "The name's Ash Shikigami, the best recruit you'll ever have in the next decade. Jot that down on a notepad, photocopy my application form a dozen times over or whatever you want. I'm here to wreck Aragami, save the world and become the main protagonist."

"And I've just completed that last point a few paragraphs ago, so watch out!"

My little antics only elicited a small laugh from the man above. Yes, go on, laugh it off. I'll outdo all your other recruits so soon you won't be laughing, but begging me to stay on.

"Well, it would be nice to see all new recruits as energetic as you are, Mr Shikigami," vader-voice smirked (you could feel it from here), "but let us see the kind of compatibility you have first."

Walking over to the large machine, I took a look at the oversized blade that lay in front of me.

Step 1 to being an action hero: obtain the sword that's not humanly possible for anyone to carry, check.

Placing my arm into the machine and gripping what I could make out to be the blade's handle, I watched as the cover slammed down on my shoulder. The following that happened was…simply put, a reaction that could only be described as utterly renouncing the testosterone that was pumping through my veins a short while ago.

I screamed.

Well…not really SCREAM, but you get the idea. I could feel something coiling around my wrist. Along with a sensation of something nasty digging into my skin. Thank God that it didn't last too long…

When the pain subsided, the machine lifted itself off my poor right arm. Near my wrist was an over-sized bangle, where a small black vine had attached itself to the blade.

"Okay…freaky."

Trying to ignore the black substance, I gave the blade a few experimental swings.

"Whoa…this thing is actually really light. I can swing it around with one hand! Maybe if I posed like that, I'd look more heroic. No…maybe I should go for the –one hand over the shoulder- pose like the heroes do in final fantas-"

"AHEM."

STOP KILLING MY FANTASIES!

"I would like to congratulate you," vader-voice said, "You're now the first of the Far East Branch's "New Type" God Eaters. Please use the room on the right for a short break before you go for your scheduled medical checkup."

Check ups? Heh, the great Ash doesn't need no check ups!

"Oh and, one more thing, if your body starts to feel lethargic or you develop any kind of flu-like symptoms, trust me, that's just normal. All part of the after effects."

Yeah right, you think I would be affected by something like that?

AIN'T NOTHING CAN HOLD ME DOWN!

I really should have asked what being a –New Type- meant though. Probably some main character-only plot device that would serve useful in the long run. Oh well, time to mess around with this sword thing a bit more.

"I want to test the weapon's functionality…"

"…rookie," the voice started again, albeit a bit more annoyed, "please put the god arc down and head for the rest area."

I wonder if it works like one of those video games.

Taking aim at the far end of the wall, I closed one eye and took aim. Before vader-voice could protest, I flung it with all my might, lodging the tip of my blade into the wall.

"Damn…no auto retract function huh…"

The silence that followed was almost deafening.

* * *

When they threatened to fire me from my new job that I hadn't even officially been registered for yet, I definitely had to hightail out of there. I'll play by your rules for once, gentlemen.

The door closed behind me as I entered a brightly lit lounge, plopping myself down on one of the sofa's. My body felt kind of weird after that procedure, just like vader-voice mentioned. Not really sick or faint, just really tired and drained.

I'll be damned if this sofa wasn't any harder though…

"Yo, you okay, dude?"

NO! LET ME REST YOU FOOL!

"Whoa, you look tipsy. The aptitude test really did a number on you huh?"

What foolish mortal dare disturb me?!

Cracking an eye open, I noticed a young boy around my age sitting beside me. He wore a yellow beanie that covered his reddish-brown hair and matching sweatshirt. His orange Bermuda seemed a little too big for him though. There was also a scarf around his neck, which was kind of odd considering the heat.

"Waddya want, Beanie-Boy."

"Oh hey! I'm just glad you aren't half dead," the boy scratched his head and gave me a lopsided smile, "I just finished mine sometime before you and woke up jussssst a little before you came in."

Oh? This guy must be a God Eater too, which nearly automatically makes him my bro.

Hey, us newbies (though I won't be for long) got to stick together.

In fact, proving my bro theory right, Beanie-Boy started offering me some gum, which I was totally in it for. Man, where I come from, gum is actually banned, so this was like a treat to me. I watched as Beanie-Boy rummage has pockets frantically.

Oh no…you didn't.

"Um…woops, I think I might have eaten that last piece awhile back, haha…"

How dare you lie…I WILL EXECUTE YOU-

"So, you're a new recruit too huh?" he studied me up and down and gave me a cheeky grin, "oh well, I'm still your senior by a nanosecond so you'll call me as such. The name's Kota Fujiki!"

Looks like it's time to put on my –manliness-

"Highly doubt it. I'm 100% sure I'm older than you," I started, "Besides, they just pronounced me the "first New Type" of the Far East Branch, Ash Shikigami at your not so every disposal."

Heh, having to activate my testosterone this early may be a good thing, got to establish that dominance, take notes!

Oddly enough, Kota didn't seem fazed at all. In fact, all I got from him was a small whistle and another huge grin, "Oh wow, so you're that rumoured new type match that everyone's been talking about? Damn, man, word of you spreads fast. Got to live up to the expectations from the get go!"

"That really depends on what those expectations are."

If they expect me to do something like advanced mathematics or something then heck no was I going to live up to anyone's expectations. I'm pretty sure the words spoken from my fifth grade teacher's mouth were _"You can't count for chicken poop, Shikigami."_

Though starting now, I'll keep record the number of times I wreck Aragami behind.

"Stand up."

What did you say, mate? YA WANNA GO!?

Cutting our conversation short, a woman dressed in white from top down with slightly curled raven coloured hair stood in front of us. In her hand that held a clipboard was also one of that armlets that Kota and I had, only hers was taped all around.

And damn…that tight outfit she wore really expressed the size of those…

 _No Ash,_ I mentally steeled myself, _you can't just let boobs distract you from making a good impression. She's probably your senior too!_

"Huh…what?"

KOTA DON'T BLOW OUR FIRST IMPRESSIONS!

"I said stand up! On your feet!" the lady commanded. We needed no further prompting as the two of us leaped from our seats.

"My name is Tsubaki Amamiya, and I'll be your advisor," she introduced, "I'm busy so this will be brief. After this, you will both go for medical checkups, followed by basic training regiments. We are the ones who were protecting before, but now as God Eaters, it is your job to do the protecting."

Oh man, from the way she talked, she was probably one of those with a stick up her butt.

"If you don't want to die due to anything stupid, you would answer everything I say with a yes, do you understand-"

Okay, I HAVE to ask this.

"Excuse, Ms Amamiya."

The person in question looked less than pleased that I had decided to cut her off, turning her intense gaze entirely on me.

No, Kota, don't mouth me to stop, I seriously need to ask this burning question that arose like five minutes ago.

"How come our weapons don't come with retractable wire functions?"

Rightly, I should have probably been dead.

The way she looked at me after I asked the question felt like a thousand aragami were planning to eat me. Her presence suddenly gave off this really icy wind, and if it was anyone else that had this thing called 'shame' they would have started crying.

But you know, shame, pfft.

"New Type" Tsubaki's voice was laced with…either hate or tsundere love, "I have got word of your…shenanigans on your sign up forms AND what transpired in the testing zone not too long ago. Throwing a god arc to "test for retracting functions" is not an excuse."

At this point Kota's face went from horror to near controlled laughter, and everyone in the vicinity just stared on as Tsubaki sized me up and immediately went back to scribbling on her clipboard, "You will report to Doctor Paylor Sakaki's room at 1500 hours. Do TRY not to cause any discord or mayhem. Fujiki, you will go once the doctor makes an announcement."

Shoving a piece of paper into my hand, Tsubaki walked off mumbling something about "a handful" and "not taking my job seriously." When her footsteps were out of our hearing range, Kota let out a long sigh.

"Dude, our first impressions are done for," he looked slightly defeated, yet intrigued by the older woman's previous statement, "but seriously, what the heck did you do?"

"We'll save that for later, promise" I pat him on the back, giving him a small thumbs up.

First day on the job and things already this heated up?

This smells like the start of a beautiful journey.

* * *

BAM!

Ash: FINALLY, AFTER 3 YEARS OF BEING IN YOUR BRAIN!

Me: Yeah yeah, just be glad you're back.

Read and Review :3


	3. Chapter 2: Losing Boss Fights Already

I still don't own anything about this series.

Except Ash.

 **Chapter 2: Losing Boss Fights Already**

I yawn and checked my watch for the sixty-ninth time.

Kota went off to get some drinks for us, no thanks to me being a poor little bloke. The dude is taking an awfully long time though and I've been sitting here for almost an hour now. I'm seriously contemplating just leaving for my medical checkup but there isn't even an elevator nearby.

What's worse was that the stairs was all the way at the end of the lobby, heeeeelllll no am I walking all the way over there!

Using my newfound free time, I scanned the lobby and its present company. Nothing too much seemed to be going on, just that orange-haired counter lady who had this eternal smile plastered on her face, some hobo selling stuff in the corner and an old dude brooding by himself on the upper deck. Some of the other God Eaters had already gone off on their missions and only two remained behind.

"Hey Ash! Sorry I took so long!"

That voice was orgasmic...I mean, music to my ears.

A smile tugged at my mouth as Kota came running back, carrying two cans of "first love juice type zero". Popping our cans open, the two of us did a little cheer, bumping our cans and downing the drinks almost immediately….

….and spat it out as soon as we did.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP!?"

Kota only muttered weakly and nodded his head, his face also turning green. Luckily, I have this little thing called plot armour so I had the effects of it nullified as much as possible.

Whatever this drink is was definitely made to utterly destroy its user! Now that I noticed it, the back of the can contained zero nutrition levels or anything that told us what the drink was made of.

My mind started running on overdrive. No...how could someone try to kill me this early on into my job? It was impossible for me to have (greatly) offended someone by this point. Was it possible that maybe Kota offended someone? That was unlikely. Kota looked to be a fine, decent, hormonal teenager. I doubt he would do-

"Dude…" Kota reached up to my shoulder, his hand trembling despite the small smile on his face, "tell my mom and sister...I finally followed my dreams."

The following image that came afterwards that would have probably changed the genre of this story.

The beanie-wearing youngster reeled back in his seat and stopped moving for a moment. While I had hoped he was alright, the exact opposite happened. Kota started foaming at the mouth while trying to form a few more incomprehensible words. While the entire event unfolded, I held the newly acquired bro in my arms and shook him, "Kota...Brota! Speak to me!"

The receptionist, now aware of the drama that was unfolding beside her, merely sighed in response and rolled her eyes.

"Not again…" I heard her mumble.

LADY, AT LEAST PROVIDE SOME ASSISTANCE?! MY NEW PARTY MEMBER IS DYING OVER HERE!

With almost psychic response, the receptionist continued, "The elevator is on the upper deck. Go to the fourth floor, exit and turn right to enter the medical bay. A girl named Kanon should be there on duty now, she'll know how to help him."

 **Mission Objective: Save Brota Fujiki, START**

Giving the lady a quick salute, I threw my new friend over-the-shoulder style and went up to face that sorry excuse for what seemed to be an elevator.

That…rusty piece of a steel gate is the lift? Suddenly, I didn't feel too good about all of this. The thing seriously looked like it could break down and crash any time. But it mattered not, for saving Brota's life was all that mattered in the moment.

Punching the large -up- sign, I watched as the elevator doors opened smoothly, revealing little more than a large empty space with a few of other people coming out.

 _Oh well, guess I won't be socialising with people just yet. Right now I've got a mission to carry out!_

"Where is it where is it….!" I frantically scanned the control panel for the right floor and found one in large yellow letters that read "Research and Laboratory."

Sounded suspicious enough.

Luckily the elevator proved to be much faster than its rustic appearance. Right after punching the numbers in, the elevator came to life and quickly went up to the designated level.

"Urgh…" I winced a bit, a nauseating wave hitting me out of the blue, "looks like plot armour can't even stop this for long…!"

*ding*

That ring never sounded so beautiful.

Making a dash out, I found a door labelled -Medical Room-. I could vaguely make out a voice humming a tune from where I stood, so that gave me affirmation that someone was inside. I made a mental note that the room I needed to go to for my checkup was dead ahead, but as for now...

Without even contemplating the meaning of polite, I placed my shoes against the door and kicked the barrier open, "MAN DOWN, MAN DOWN, WE NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION!"

The medic, a girl with short pink hair and a long green dress, jumped as I (not so) gloriously made my entrance. Noticing the half dead bro on my shoulders, she quickly helped lay him on one of the beds. I guess this was that Kanon person.

"He's foaming….! What happened to him?" she asked as she observed Kota as well as my increasingly pained face before coming to a realisation herself, "did you two...did he drink….?"

"First Love Juice Type Zero."

The medic bit her lip and whispered something to herself, no doubt familiar with the deadly concoction, "Not again...the Head Doctor should really stop making these things. Judging from that reaction, I assume you drank it too?"

"I can hold my own for awhile more," I told her while trying not to spew my intestines out, "sides, I'm going for my medical check-up, so I think I'll be fine."

The girl looked at me with concern (which counts as a plus point and a good flag…) before nodding and telling me to come back if I ever felt too sick. Just as I was about to leave, she gave me one last word.

"If Doctor Sakaki is there, perhaps you could feedback to him about his creation of...consumables?"

NAME GET!

So this Sakaki guy is responsible for the attempted murder of Brota and myself huh? Not only that but possibly for the entire Fenrir as well! Of course, it would only be right if I stopped this nefarious villain in his tracks!

The door that stood between me would never seem so menacing (for now at least).

I grab the doorknob and, like the badass I was, pulled open the door which said "push" and stepped into a cramped looking room, filled with wires all around. Behind a supercomputer sat a much older man with frazzled hair and a pair of glasses in front of his seemingly closed eyes. Also beside him was an obviously-not-japanese blonde with a large white trench coat.

 _Darn it...I didn't expect TWO boss characters! Plus my current state would be "poisoned"...not good, I can't go into battle like this!_

"Ah…" scientist-guy started, "you got here seven hundred and twenty seconds earlier than I-"

But never got to finish as I stepped in to interrupt, "Which one of you fiends is the one known as Doctor Paylor Sakaki? I WANT ANSWERS!

The two men exchanged confused glances, probably a shocking exchange as I (might) have figured out their plans. Trenchcoat turned and gestured to scientist-guy, "That would this gentleman over here. However, I would you calm yourself and refrain from talking to him so rude-"

"Calm myself?! What did you say sir? THAT MAN TRIED TO POISON MY BRO AND I WITH SMARTLY PLACED CANNED DRINKS!"

As I started to rant, I could already see the two men tune their brain out (how dare they) and look at each other. Tall-blonde-and-handsome stared at Sakaki before giving a look which pretty much meant -I'm contemplating firing you-.

"Paylor...what did I tell you about putting oracle cells into canned drinks…?"

They put what...into WHAT!?

"BRO YOU DON'T EVEN-"

"And also…" the one in the lab coat let out an even deeper sigh, "the new type doesn't seem to be calming down any moment. I believe it is your responsibility to do something about this?

Darn it...this was always the part where the villains would get away in a cloud of smoke. If it was only this early into the plot where I had to be foiled by the villains, what kind of hero would that make me?!

Time to start acting like one.

Ignoring the urge to puke, I took a step forward and prepared to confront the dastardly doctor. The person in question merely lifted an eyebrow before smiling again, flipping open a side switch on the supercomputer.

"Now's a good time as ever to test this out, right Johan?"

The floor tile two spaces in front of me suddenly opened up. Before I could change the course of my charge, I felt something hard and rubbery connect with my jaw. If my vision wasn't getting increasingly blurry, I could make out a vague outline of the doctor's face on flying the boxing glove.

"Sorry for the inconvenience caused, new-type," Sakaki apologised, though he didn't sound very apologetic, "this will have to do for now and you'll wake up in your room in a while. Johan, be sure to send him his briefing later."

"I am well aware of that, doctor."

D...darn it….! I already lose to the first bosses…

I really need more training….

Right before I completely lost consciousness, I felt myself being lifted up and being placed on a bed. As I recalled the impact of the flying glove, I had in mind one more thing to ask the doctor.

 _How much would it take to install one of those in my room…?_

- **ASH HAS RAN OUT OF LIFE POINTS-**

 **-ASH WHITED OUT-**

* * *

….

….

 _I'm alive?_

I blinked my eyes for a bit before turning to check my surroundings. The Doctor was right about me waking up in a room though, and the place looked really well furnished too. Comfy bed, proper fridges, toilet and I could even see a coffee machine.

Alright, so maybe they were the "harsh teacher in disguise" characters, but that didn't make me trust them anymore. At least not for now.

I moved my body and felt around myself for a bit, making sure I hadn't been turned into some kind of cyborg (though that would be kind of cool) or lost any other important aspects of it.

"Alright, not dead yet. So where do I go for that mail…"

As soon I said that, I notice a large terminal in the corner of my room, with a note attached to its side. Upon closer inspection, the note also had a cartoon drawing of Sakaki's face on it with the words "Use this for resource management, have fun!"

I hope I could find a way to add "flying defense mechanism" into my room…

Booting up the terminal and accessing some of the main functions, I was a little cheesed that there wasn't the ability to add such a function. I did find that email from the blonde dude though. Messages from Tsubaki and Kota sat at the bottom which I would check later.

"Branch Director Johannes Von Schicksal," I read aloud, "duty, duty...all the stuff that was already in the instruction manual just being repeated."

"Oh, Aegis Project?"

According to the director, Aegis was to be some kind of major project that would help safely keep humans away from the Aragami. It was going to take quite a bit while more to complete, but that's why we god eaters are around to accelerate the process.

Man, end-game content is always hard to unlock, but always so dang worth it!

The message from Tsubaki told me I could head to the training facilities after I was done with my checkups, which was probably a good idea. As protagonist as I would be next time, I probably needed some basic training in case I got my ass handed to me.

In case, but insurance is always good.

Making my way to the closet, I donned one of Fenrir's sweet white jackets and quickly took the elevator down to the lowest floor…

...and into a floor filled with multiple corridors and rooms.

"No one told me that being a god eater meant dungeon crawling…" I groaned and started to be on my way, "oh well..."

"Hey!"

Yay, people!

I turned to find a shorter girl with light gray hair to my right. She had these cute little grease marks on her face and a large tool-belt around her waist.

"Where are ya even going?" she called out, "training room's right there!"

She pointed towards a sign, written in three different languages, which said "this way to the training room."

….

….

Insert deep sighing here.

Couldn't believe I was flunking out this early…

* * *

Yo, this was supposed to be out 2 days ago but I was in hospital sooooo I'm sorry.

Reviews are always appreciated~


	4. Chapter 3: Do You Even Count?

**Chapter 3: Do You Even Count?**

Alright!

Cooping myself up in the training simulations room for nearly an entire day does wonders to you. Though I'm almost certain that it didn't give me any experience points or much less level me up, I felt like I had a good chance at this Aragami slaying thing. The only real issue was what weapon to use.

Tsubaki had just emailed me about going for a mission with one of my superiors soon, and hell no would any protagonist try and look bad on debut day. Picking a weapon was tough, they all looked so darned cool too! I would probably end up using all of them at some point but for debut day. I did manage to try a bit of everything and had an inkling of what I did and didn't want to use.

"Short sword…? Nyeh, that's like every single RPG protagonist first weapon ever," I snorted over the most common prospect and started swiping my choices, "boost hammer! I could get behind this, but I kind of sucked with it…"

OH RIGHT!

Swiping the screen to the left, I tapped "prepare" on my basic scythe weapon and sent the request over to Licca (remember that cute engineer chick from last time?). Seeing as my battle preparations were finally complete, I needed to put the final piece of the puzzle together.

Myself.

I threw open the closet door, finding myself face to face with four pieces of identical clothing.

"I think I know where my first pay is going after spending on food."

Grabbing a set of black jeans, undershirt, white jacket and lucky black bandana, the new type set out on his first official mission as a god eater.

Wait, what the? How come the story switched to a third person view? Come on, get with the corrections man. We got no time to waste on little things like that!

* * *

Despite my rushing, it seemed that I had arrived rather early. When the lift stopped I quickly ran out to make sure whoever this superior was knew that I could at least comprehend the basics of being on time. However, it seemed that only Ms Counter-Girl was there.

 _Wonder if she knows anything about my mission._

Of course, seeing that it was a lady all alone, standing by herself, I had to give a good impression. You mess up one time and things would just go downhill from there. Now all I had to do was to sweep my hair aside and go up to her calmly, no pressure at all. Then, with my game-winning smile I would charm her-

"Yo~ busy day at work, Hibari?"

I will eviscerate the fool who would dare interrupt me!

Coming down the stairs was a much older man with really slick black hair and dark brown coat with the symbol of Fenrir printed on its back. He looked at my direction for a moment, acknowledging my presence with a small grin before turning back to Hibari.

"Lindow, the director said if I saw you to go to his office immediately."

The guy called Lindow nodded at her rather seriously and started considering something, rubbing his chin for a moment before waving her off, "Okay, then don't tell him you saw me! I'm on duty anyway."

Hah! That was so classic! Man I wish I could get the chance to do something like that.

Ignoring the obvious sigh that came from the receptionist, Lindow made his way over and sat himself right beside me, "Yo, rookie. The name's Lindow Amamiya, but you probably knew that already."

I squinted at him a bit as he introduced himself. Amamiya? So if the guy was related to Tsubaki then where were the obvious signs of being extremely anal? I could have been stupid or something but I seriously could not see it.

"Alright I know that look and what you want to ask and yes, we are related," Lindow let out a chuckle and gave me a friendly pat, "Look, as your leader, I don't expect too much from you. I just hope you can be someone who's got my back at all times."

Ten seconds in and I already liked the guy as much as Brota.

"Of course boss-sir!" I nodded furiously and saluted, "I promise I won't screw up (as much as possible) and not be a burden, sir!"

"Sir makes me sound older than I already am, please don't."

Now how could anyone ask for a better boss? Seriously.

Just as we started hitting off, a slightly younger woman approached us from the side. I couldn't help but notice her dark tank top which revealed a little _too much_ of her side...assets and the long leg sash which still exposed a lot of it.

As much as I like to think of myself as a controlled, well respected gentleman, I'll be honest and tell you it was extremely hard not to stare.

"Yoooo," I whispered to Lindow, "who is THAT?"

"That's Sakuya, my uh...partner. And hey," Lindow playfully knocked the back of my head, "I know that look in your eyes. Someone 'looking around', eh? Don't get too distracted."

As I mentioned earlier in my defense, it was seriously darn hard not to. I mean I am a boy going through puberty but girl, please cover yourself up just a little more!

"Who's this, a rookie?" Sakuya eyed me as she started chatting with Lindow.

"Latest member, and I'm ground pounding the den's hard rules into him, so take a hike, Sakuya," the taller man mock-glared, earning a small laugh from her and a small "yes, yes" before turning to me.

There was a wink towards my direction, I promise.

"Alright rookie," another bop from Lindow quickly brought me back to attention, "whenever you're ready, meet me at the entrance. Make sure you grab everything you need!"

"Is Sakuya going to come with us?"

"Don't push your luck, kiddo."

At least he didn't raise my hopes and crush them.

* * *

"Well this is a mood killer."

As much as abandoned cities were commonplace in the hero's journey, it honestly felt really horrible seeing it up close. Once busy business towers now reduced to nothing more to rubble and crumbling messes, no thanks to the Aragami of course.

"This place has seen better times," Lindow stepped up while adjusting his earpiece.

Turning to me, his tone turned till it had an edge of seriousness, "Alright, simulation is going to start, but that doesn't mean the ones we're fighting are pushovers. Aragami are aragami after all."

The mission stated that it was just an ogretail and I had practice against a lot of that in training room sessions...I hope I didn't get eaten alive on my first actual fight though.

"I got three basic advice I would like you to follow," Lindow took out a cigarette as he did started again, "One, don't die. Two if your number's up, get out of there. No point in you trying to be a hero if you can't do much."

That's why to throw the enemy off, we got to go in, guns blazing.

"Third, hide. Always good to get a jump on the buggers. If you're lucky, catch the enemy off guard and give them a good bashing."

"Sneak attacks are good for surprise buttse-hey," I paused my note taking and stared at him, "that's four, sir."

Lindow paused and blinked for a moment, before quickly waving it off and lighting his smoke. You know, I may be kind of stupid, but I was starting to be convinced the boss-man had mathematics issues.

"Bottom line, rookie. Stay alive no matter the circumstance, got it."

"Sir…" I held up my fingers slowly, "five times."

"Well, ain't you the math olympian?"

IT'S BASIC MATH!

" _Hello? Can you hear me?" a voice buzzed over our earpieces, "the signal was pretty bad just now so I couldn't get a read."_

"Yo, Licca! Loud and clear."

Licca? The voice surprised me as well. I had the impression that most of the missions backup would be carried out by Hibari. From what I got from talking to her yesterday, that totally wasn't Licca's job scope.

Or I was dumb.

" _Ah, I know what you're thinking, rookie,"_ Licca laughed a bit at my stunned self, " _truth is Fenrir is short on a lot of workers. Operators, god eaters etc. So every now and then I'll double up as one of your operators. Here's to seeing ya more often._ "

I was totally not complaining.

We took off, leaping from our positions and into the battlefield. Much to our surprise, our target for the mission, the Ogretail, decided to come to us. Raising my scythe, I prepared for some serious style.

"Get ready to be wrecked by-"

FWAP!

I didn't finish as the Ogretail swiped at us with its tail. Lindow raised his shield in a guard stance, softening the impact. I on the other hand, got slapped face-to-tail and into the ground.

Things were so not going the way I planned it. Overconfidence does that to you, kids!

"Enthusiasm is good, but don't get ahead," Lindow laughed a bit and jammed his god arc into it, "get your butt off the ground, kid. Aragami don't kill themselves."

I got it already!

I swung my scythe, cutting across the ogretails face. Using the lightweight of the weapon I spun my weapon in the Aragami's direction and with a large swing, knocked it away from Lindow and I.

" _The Ogretail is weak, finish it!"_

"Time to up the combo count!"

I pumped the back of my god arc. Almost immediately, the scythe morphed into an assault rifle which I wasted no time into unloading a stockpile of flame bullets at the now immobile monster. If only i could have been half naked and with an obscene amount of ammo wrapped around my body, I would totally look like Rambo.

Here's to that dream never happening.

"Rookie," Lindow placed a hand on my shoulder, "it's dead, you can stop shooting now."

But all I wanted to be was-eh, whatever.

"Dig in."

Pulling the small switch, at the side of our god arcs, the two of us released a black, mouth-like predator which started to chew on the dead ogretail. Just as that began to happen, the center of my god arc began to glow a faint yellow.

" _If you bring the raw materials extracted from an aragami to us at the lab, we can help to upgrade your god arc to enhance performance."_

Well that was a sweet pointer to note!

When Lindow was finished with his side of the devouring, he came over and gave me a quick thumbs up, "Not bad out there, rookie. I see you've been at that simulator yesterday."

"Heh, this isn't too bad!"

"Though," Lindow narrowed his eyes and stared at me with a mock serious expression, "you were a little clumsy out there and got hit by an extremely obvious attack. Such mistakes like this are unacceptable in our line of work."

"Yes, boss man."

The two of us shared a small laugh at that. Among other things, I was kind of glad that not everyone was super sombre, considering how the world is pretty much half dead and all. Not saying that you should always be ecstatic about it, but a little laughter now and then could do one a little good.

Now if only someone could pull the stick out of Tsubaki's butt.

-ROAAAAAR-

" _The two of you! Stay alert,"_ I could hear Licca rapidly typing something on the other end, " _I got a read that there are other ogretails in the area!"_

YOU WHAT!?

Just as soon as the warning came, three ogretails got the jump on us. Lindow was extremely quick on his reactions and managed to roll out of the way, quickly retaliating at the poor aragami whose tail was then stuck in some debris.

I did the manly thing and stood my ground.

"Boss!" I yelled at him as I took a defensive stance, "I thought you said the mission had ONE?"

"...maybe this thing had kids?"

COULD YOU EVEN MATH!?

Ignoring the fact that Lindow still couldn't count, I pulled up my shield to soften the impact, bunting the other two ogretails that decided a rookie was a good meal. I extended the length of my scythe and began to swing it in a large horizontal arc, forcing my predators to quickly back away from me.

"YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE, FOUL BEASTS!"

As I started my rush of manliness, Lindow had already made short work of their brethren and leapt to my side.

"Rookie! Try to knock it down, it's weak around the torso!"

Taking his advice into consideration, I swiftly side-stepped and swapped into my assault rifle to give the offending monster a few more of my flame bullets, effectively knocking one over on it side. Switching back into my trusty melee weapon, I dug my scythe into the ogretail's middle as it gave a loud scream before falling silent.

"Alright!" I gave a cheer and readied my weapon again, "one more!"

" _Lindow already took it out,"_ Licca laughed as she probably watched my enthusiasm from who knows where, " _good work, everyone. A chopper will come and pick you guys up soon!"_

Drat.

Well, since it came to that there was only one thing left for me to do.

-CUE MUSIC-

 **Battle Resolved!**

 **Ash has levelled up!**

 **Manliness has increased greatly!**

 **Combat awareness has increased slightly!**

 **Relationship with boss (no homo) has...maybe increased!**

"So," boss-man came over and patted me on the back, "how did it feel? Your first mission and all?"

"No sweat at all!" I grinned as I let my god arc extract some materials, "in fact, I think I could get used to this kind of life!" I mean, what's not to like? With awesome mechanical interchangeable-gun-to-melee contraptions that eats things.

What wasn't there for me to like?

" _Oh one more thing I need to remind you off!"_

If it was about the money I was going to collect after the mission, I was so ready to get it.

" _Doctor Sakaki says to report to his office once you're back. You and Kota are due for a lecture later."_

….

….

" _Rookie? Ash?"_

I crumpled to the ground and dropped my god arc. Raising my head to the vast skies, I screamed my sorrows as loud as I could before falling onto my back.

 **-ASH WHITED OUT...AGAIN-**

* * *

I'm sorry guys! D:

Health and work kept me and I went to the hospital (again...), but it's finally up!

Do leave a review!

Ps: Thanks Cosmic Guardian for being such a loyal follower of the series so far.


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